Ameniona

One year ago last month we announced our intent to pursue church planting. And one year ago last week our friend and brother Tobias Smith was hit and killed in a bicycle/auto accident. I found myself overwhelmed with the apparent need and our glaring inability to meet the need…the brokenness. As we remember Tobias, I thought I would share a reflection I wrote at the time:

Ameniona*

So far behind—and we’ve not yet started.

So aware of my weakness.

Edgy thoughts behind tired eyes and inertia of mindless limbs.

Ameniona.

My children. Sleeping.

Liquid weight of boy on my chest—warm and round. And the mind rests.

Small girl tucked in her own world, mouth turned up at the corners. Sweet dreams.

And longer limbs across the room, burdened with change and death.

Our friend is gone. “When are you going to build that church, mommy?”

Ameniona.

Weight of boy, weight of girl, weight of girl. Weight of three.

And I crumple and I stand. You will build Your church.

Soft slap of metal and silence. As least she stopped to call the police.

Soul windows opened and head lifted—now laid to rest in Your arms.

Ameniona.

Fear overwhelms when the gaze is fixed elsewhere. The Enemy is real.

But the eye turned to You sees through You and finally I see.

I see them. Because You see them. Help my unbelief.

Ameniona.

*kiSwahili for ”He has seen me.”

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